Oh man, this isn't serious, is it?

Go ahead and start emailing the hate letters or comments... I can't believe I received the following call for entry today (pdf):

What: The Ellipse Arts Center is seeking proposals for our summer 2005 exhibition, an Arlington-specific nine-hole miniature golf course: The Tour of Arlington Classic Mini-Putter. [emphasis their's]

Eligibility: This exhibition is open to all amateur and professional artists working in any three-dimensional medium who live or work in Virginia, Maryland or the District of Columbia.

We will provide the basic structure for each fairway and green as well as the “landscaping” for the finished nine-hole course. Artists will be expected to design and fabricate only the decorative artistic elements and obstacles.

A total of nine (9) proposals will be accepted for completion within the timeline stated below. Artists may submit proposals for one or more holes.

Artists will receive $1000 ($500 upon acceptance and $500 upon installation) for each hole they are contracted to create.

Conditions: To be considered, a proposal must be thematically linked and easily identifiable with an Arlington neighborhood (Crystal City, Rosslyn, Westover, etc.), landmark (Bon Air Rose Garden, the Weenie Beenie, Walker Chapel, Fire Station #8), historic event (school integration, the Wright Brother’s test flights), geographic (Four Mile Run, the Potomac River) or manmade feature (the bike path, the metro system, a dog park, Rte 50, public art), or an Arlington “quirk” (the “Arlington Way,” taco wagons, yard art). If none of these ring a bell, you can take a drive around Arlington or call staff for guidance.

There are more conditions in the call for entry but you get the idea. I can't even begin to express how disappointed I am right now. This gallery is a beautiful, big space. I was just recently in a juried, contemporary art exhibit at the Ellipse and right now they are hanging a popular juried photography exhibit. This gallery only shows approximately 4 exhibits each year and I can't believe they aren't making better use of the gallery space during the summer months. Sure, the summer months are slow, but why not use this time to put up a sophisticated, cutting-edge exhibit?

Miniature golf? Geez...

Advanced warning to all artists considering this show: Keep in mind that although you will be paid $1000 to participate, understand that this is extremely similar to the controversial public "art" projects PandaMania and the Party Animals. In the future, a curator (if he/she isn't unjustly fired) may decide to exclude you from an exhibition opportunity because you participated in this non-art show. The chances are slim that this will occur, but at least now you can think about the possibility first. You can be certain I will NOT be submitting a proposal.

Message to the Ellipse Arts Center: I know it is extremely tough to attract foot traffic to your location. You definitely have a huge challenge there. However, I think you should have put more thought into this and put together a significant, contemporary art show that contributes to the regional arts discourse. Serious artists are dying to show their work... I doubt it would have been that hard. Maybe I underestimate...

I've been a supporter of the Ellipse Arts Center for some time and I think the gallery holds great potential. But I would be dishonest to myself and my beliefs if I didn't scrutinize this decision. I just can't condone it.

Lastly, I wanted to point out that I can't find the stated goal of the show in any written literature. Perhaps it's just to have fun (and that's fine), but it should be stated what the point of the show is.

Comments

[Franklin]

I feel your pain, but you realize, of course, that this presents an exquisite opportunity for parody submissions. Especially the Fire Station #8 neighborhood. I'm thinking of an installation involving twenty tanks of butane and a stack of dry timber.

[wwc]

Franklin's right - if the app is free, let's flood them with bogus proposals.

[Dan]

A recent PBS tribute to the late Ed Paschke here in Chicago featured a conversation between artists Wesley Kimler and Tony Fitzpatrick remembering their good friend. At one point they related how shocked they both were when they learned that Ed had agreed to paint a fiberglass cows for the city's "Cows on Parade" street project. (If you'll recall: Pandas vs. Cows recently at Grammar.police—and don't even mention the that whole Barlow fiasco.)

Paschke, of course, had something of a trick up his sleeve, unveiling a lovely cow totally covered in Chicago gang signs. If anyone could get away with such a thing, it was the top man on the Chicago art ladder. Why not take advantage?

[J.T. Kirkland]

While I'm not holding my breath, I will go over to the gallery when it is up to see if anyone does something worthy of attention. Who knows, it could happen.

I mean, I play a mean game of mini golf!! And in the air conditioning? Sounds like a cheap date to me!

Does anyone know what a "Mini-Putter" is?

[Lisa]

The sad thing is that this is a ten year old concept taken from Baltimore, where it was extremely fun and successful outdoor art experience on the Inner Harbour.
Ed Bisese designed it. It was called "A Condensed History of Baltimore". It was on view from 1996-1997.

A few of the artists I recall who participated were:

Ed Bisese, one hole had one of his giant cartoonish heads
Art Attack (featuring a deconstructed Baltimore row house, with sound by Alberto Gaitan)
Jay Wolf Schlossberg-Cohen (did a Cab Calloway hole)
Joyce J Scott

It was, by far, the most artistic miniature golf experience and the coolest tourist attraction on the Inner Harbor.

But it was OUTDOORS! I can't imagine an indoor one being as successful,

[J.T. Kirkland]

That's interesting about Baltimore doing this already. I wonder if this is going to be a new trend the cities all over the world pick up on... nah!

I thought the key phrase from your post, Lisa, was "coolest tourist attraction..." While I'm all for bringing art to the masses, when it becomes a tourist attraction (I think the goal of this exhibit is to be a tourist attraction), it marginalizes the art of the thing. Know what I mean?

If the artistic merits of the exhibition bring in masses of people... fantastic! If the exhibition brings in masses of people who want to escape the heat and play free golf... then I'm a bit concerned.

I wonder how the mission statement of the Ellipse merges with this exhibit. Oh James... where are you? We need your non-profit sleuthing expertise!!

[Ken]

there was the X-rated miniature golf course at Burning Man Festival...

May 28 - September 6, 2004 the The Walker Art Center did a golf course

In 1992, "Putt-Modernism," was on view at Artists Space in NY where Frank
Gehry, Cindy Sherman and Michael Graves each did a hole!

In 2000, Golf Zeum: a hole in (c)one – a 7-hole miniature golf course designed by Bay Area artists was at Zeum @ Yerba Buena Gardens – the San Francisco youth center for art and technology

the DeCordova Museum and Sculpture Park in Lincoln, Massachusetts had one called Strokes of Genius

[Jame W. Bailey]

Dear J.T.,

My proposal to the Ellipse Arts Center goes in the mail tomorrow.

Sincerely,

James

“I Put a Cap in Chris Burden’s Ass at an Art Exhibit – What Did You Do Today?”

by James W. Bailey

A Littoral Art Project Proposal for The Tour of Arlington Classic Mini-Putter

Radical 70s chic urban art cleverly intersects with modern day white American suburban dysfunctional family miniature golf fun in a controversial performance art/Littoral Art Project that explores the contemporary hyper-ventilating dialogue that echoes among those who live for the adrenalin rush of being witness to an act of domestic terrorism.

PROJECT NARRATIVE

Recently unemployed artist/art teacher Chris Burden will be solicited to stand at the end of a miniature putt-putt fairway that is designed to look like an airport runway.

Burden will face a wall on which a film of a 747 taking off from the Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport as seen from a rich neighborhood in Arlington, Virginia, will be projected in an endless loop.

Burden’s back will be to the audience/participant children golfers (ages 5 – 10 and must be children of Arlington County based private country club member parents).

Burden will be given what he believe to be a fake .38 caliber handgun and will repeatedly “shoot” at the 747 while reciting random quotes from a series of children’s books, including Thomas the Tank Engine and the Magic School Bus series.

Children golfers will be encouraged to putt.38 caliber hollow-point 180 gram rounds toward the golf hole near Burden’s feet at the end of the runway/fairway.

Burden will then turn toward the children and start pointing the fake .38 caliber gun at them and begin to taunt and harasses them about how they will never amount to anything.

Burden will then start to scream at the children to stop acting like babies, quit putting the .38 caliber rounds at him, grow a spine and pick up a real gun and actually do something with it.

As Burden is facing the children, the video of the 747 will fade out and a new video will be projected that features a reenactment of the UCLA art student gun incident that is told from the perspective of, and narrated by, Chris Burden’s official spokesperson and Gagosian Gallery in Beverly Hills director, Ms. Sarah Watson, in which she expresses how outraged Chris Burden is over the issue of guns and domestic terrorism.

Burden will then throw his fake .38 caliber gun toward the children when the video of Ms. Watson ends.

Burden will then turn around and face the blank wall, place his hands in the air and scream at the top of his lungs for just one brave child to have the guts to pick up the .38 caliber gun, place a hollow-point round into the cylinder, pull back the hammer, pull the trigger and put a cap in his ass.

The fake .38 caliber gun is not in fact fake; indeed, it is a very real Smith & Wesson, as are the .38 caliber hollow-point rounds.

A new video will begin that is a mock commercial offering a free Xbox with a lifetime free supply of compatible games to the first child that picks up the Smith & Wesson, loads it with a hot round, fires it and successfully hits Burden in the ass.

The children will be allowed to fight over who gets to fire the weapon first.

CONCLUSION

I believe that “I Put a Cap in Chris Burden’s Ass at an Art Exhibit – What Did You Do Today?” illustrates the profound power of contemporary art to reflect the urgencies and exigencies of the horrors and terrors of the modern American experience.

I understand that this art exhibition entails a certain degree of risk – namely that one of the children may prove to be an accurate shot and actually hit Burden with a lucky round.

But I would respectfully submit to the exhibition review panel that the risk is certainly far lower for Mr. Burden than the everyday risk that many African-American children in high-crime neighborhoods in Arlington face everyday of their lives on their walk to and from school.

I believe that “I Put a Cap in Chris Burden’s Ass at an Art Exhibit – What Did You Do Today?” will creatively engage spoiled suburban white children in an exploration of guns and domestic terrorism at a very real level that few, if any, have ever experienced.

I appreciate your consideration of this proposal. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Sincerely,

James W. Bailey
Experimental Photographer
Littoral Art Project Artist

[Joseph Barbaccia]

This "discussion" brings up a question along the lines of the (gulp) Party Animal and Pandamania discussions. I know that some people looked upon the participation of artists in these two "Public Art? Projects" as an anathema. Artists weren't supposed to degrade themselves this way. And because other people called it art, the artists were degrading "Art" (With a capital "A") as well. If we would all wake up to the fact that it is the artist that determines what is and isn't art. Hello. . ., it's been almost 100 years since Duchamp. If it's wood with drilled holes or torn photos; who’s to say? The artist, that's who! I know that everyone of us is all for the artist to take responsibility and "storm the ramparts" but when an artist says that a painted panda is art or a mini-golf course is art you jump all over it. Allow the artist to make this decision please.
Or is it the money? Is it OK for an artist to make money teaching but not painting a large sculpture? Is it OK for an artist to make money waiting tables but not building mini golf holes? I don't look down on someone because they're trying to make a buck. Let me see the Pandas or mini-golf holes first and enjoy them or not, but not condemn them before they're created.

Sheesh.

[J.T. Kirkland]

Ah Joseph, thank for bringing this up. This is exactly what my girlfriend brought up last night, trying to convince me that this is Art. But I disagree and here's why:

The artists in the Pandamania project or mini golf show do not create all of the art. They are given a pre-fabbed Panda or golf hole. They are then told to decorate it. You say, but Duchamp didn't make the urinal and you (J.T.) didn't make the wood! Well, no, but we - Duchamp and I, we're old friends - got to select what we wanted to use. I pick very specific wood and he chose a specific urinal. That choice is the difference.

I'd feel better about the Pandas and mini-golf if the artists got to make all the decisions. I'd like for the artist to be able to determine what the shape of a panda is. I'd like for the minigolf artists to determine the layout of the holes and everything. That would introduce choice into the equation. As it stands we're just looking at decoration for hire and I believe that the month and a half exhibition timeframe could have been put to better use. I think everyone can agree that there are better uses for such a big gallery space in the Washington, DC area where artists are starving for exhibition opportunities.

Like I said, I'm hoping to be surprised by a hole or two and I'll go check it out. We'll see...